


To Know Thyself (eventually)

by Lancre_witch



Series: The Ballad of Dan the Himbo [1]
Category: MediEvil (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol, Drinking & Talking, Gen, background Dirk Steadfast/Karl Sturnguard, not at all based on the author's own very slow realisations regarding their own sexuality honest, pre-Zarok's banishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27558970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lancre_witch/pseuds/Lancre_witch
Summary: "Weird bloke." Dan shrugged and took another sip of his drink. "Everyone likes to see a bit of a nice looking chap, right? Or a lot of one."He became aware of the silence. "What?"A silly short in which Sir Dan is the last mlm in Gallowmere to realise he's bi. Defiantly non-compliant with comic characterisation.
Series: The Ballad of Dan the Himbo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066763
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	To Know Thyself (eventually)

The wine has been flowing for some time, and as was traditional, talk had turned to tales which had more hope than honesty about them.

Sir Daniel Fortesque, Captain of the King's Guard, managed to get his tankard to his mouth on his second try, hiccuped gently, and tried to remember where he had got to. "...and Karl- Karl Sturnedfast... no, sorry I always get your surnames mixed up."

Dirk Steadfast laughed and slipped sideways in his seat. "Mister Karl Steadfast, I like the sound of that. Get a lacy pinny to go with that girly tea tray you call a shield and be me house husband."

Karl Sturnguard almost choked on his drink and spluttered something almost entirely incomprehensible and unrepeatable. 

Through the slight haze of alcohol and the thick German accent, Dan just about made out something about Dirk's fine sword. Some of said alcohol made him say, "Don't we all want a taste of Dirk's sword?"

There was a leaden pause of about a second while everyone processed what they had just heard.

"No, I don't," Woden snapped. "In fact, I think I'm going to leave this conversation to you fellows." He got up unsteadily and staggered out of the room.

"Weird bloke." Dan shrugged and took another sip of his drink. "Everyone likes to see a bit of a nice looking chap, right? Or a lot of one."

He became aware of the silence. "What?"

Canny Tim, who was arguably the most sober person, quickly looked around the room. Tally of those still nominally upright and conscious: Dirk Steadfast, Karl Sturnguard, himself, a question mark over Zarok slumped in an overstuffed armchair, and Sir Dan who was starting to look concerned. "Everyone here does, anyway. It's just, well, you know, not in general society."

"I'm pretty sure it is," Dan said. "Woden's just odd like that. Wouldn't know an attractive man if one dropped on his lap."

"I think the difference," Tim said carefully, "is that unlike Woden we'd all appreciate that happening. Most men wouldn't."

"No, that's different," Dan said with the confidence of the supremely inebriated. "You're all gag- gai-ge- thingy. M'straight as a wotsit, arrow. Women all the way. It's just that men are hot, y'know. S'not my fault God made men so attractive so you want to kiss them and... stuff."

He didn't appear to be carrying his audience.

Karl spoke first. "This is a language problem maybe?"

Tim, who had known him longer, shook his head and downed the remains of his pint. "No, this is a Captain Fortesque problem."

"Wait, I think I've got it. Dan man," Dirk said, "you know you can like men and women right?"

"Well yeah, doesn't everyone?"

There was another long pause.

"...Nein," Karl said eventually.

"I meant straight men. Obviously you'd not care for the ladies," Dan clarified, at least in his own mind.

"Um, no," Tim said, absentmindedly straightening his corset beneath his tunic. "Straight men are only attracted to women, gay men are only attracted to men."

"I don't understand," Dan said.

Tim bashed his head on the table. "I'm out. Someone else try."

"Let us go back to basics, ya?"

"Okay?" Dan tried to focus on Karl.

"It is generally accepted zat men marry women and vice versa, ya? Vhy do you think zis is?"

"Kids, obviously? 'scepting chaps like Tim o'course."

"And...?"

Dan looked blank. "Girls like Tim," he ventured. "Or the opposite. Tim, you understand, right?"

The transgender archer didn't lift his head off the table. "Maybe we should let you figure this out in your own time."

"If you waited that long he'd be dead," Zarok snapped. He had apparently dragged himself back to full consciousness by sheer frustration and was now waving a finger unsteadily at Dan. "I can't listen to this any bloody longer. What they're trying to say, Fortesque, is that you're a complete invert like the rest of us."

"And what I'm trying to say is just because I like men the same way... oh." Dan's face went through various expressions as the penny finally dropped.

"Really?" he asked.

There was a chorus of nods.

"So I'm really gay?"

"Or bi," Tim added.

Dan stared into space for a moment. "Yeah, alright, I probably should sleep on this. Bye." He finished the remains of his drink and staggered towards the door, rebounding gently off every piece of furniture along the way.

Dirk opened his mouth to correct him, but Tim put a hand on his arm without looking up. "Don't. We can explain that one tomorrow."


End file.
